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  • 20 Creativity Tips

    20 Creativity Tips

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    How To Stay Creative

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt.

    Girl with Glasses Smiling

    Why Creativity Is Important

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat.Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    • Available on Audible.com

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  • What’s On Your Booklist

    What’s On Your Booklist

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    What’s On Your Booklist?

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt.

    Girl with Glasses Smiling

    Your Top 10 Favourite Reads

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat.Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    • Available on Audible.com

    • Find this book on Ebay

    • Available on the App Store

    • Read it on your Kindle Fire

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  • Istanbul Travel Guide

    Istanbul Travel Guide

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    Travelling Around Istanbul

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt.

    Girl with Glasses Smiling

    The Best Advice For Travel

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat.Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    • Available on Audible.com

    • Find this book on Ebay

    • Available on the App Store

    • Read it on your Kindle Fire

    Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

  • 25 Best Horror Books

    25 Best Horror Books

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet.

    The Top 25 Horror Novels

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    Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt.

    Girl with Glasses Smiling

    Don’t Forget, It’s Fiction

    Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Donec velit neque, auctor sit amet aliquam vel, ullamcorper sit amet ligula. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat.Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

    • Available on Audible.com

    • Find this book on Ebay

    • Available on the App Store

    • Read it on your Kindle Fire

    Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Mauris blandit aliquet elit, eget tincidunt nibh pulvinar a. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.

  • Pitch, Don’t Bitch

    How do you make an impact as a journalist? Many of us dream that our work will push institutional change for justice, and that happens sometimes. But as a freelancer with little to no support from any one big media outlet, I’ve focused on making an impact on individual lives. I’m putting this out here not because I want a pat on the back — I want the people who follow my work to know what I’ve been doing in Turkey for more than two years.

    A campaigner for the People’s Republican Party or CHP advocates against giving the Turkish president more power in the 2017 referendum. Her side lost the campaign. Credit: Fariba Nawa

    I’ve produced about 50 stories so far: radio, digital and print. I’ve given up several opportunities because of the time I want to spend with my kids and the dangers a story might pose. The pressure to censor our work is immense so I navigate what I can and can’t do here. Press freedom should be a right, but it has become a privilege. For those of you who have it, appreciate it. Whenever I get frustrated with the limitations and the stress of freelance work, I remember these stories:

    -“Hoor” was a 16-year-old runaway child bride who braved the refugee trail from Kunduz to Istanbul. A smuggler raped her in Istanbul, then she tried to commit suicide but survived. I told her story for PRI, and shortly after her guardian and I visited the police station, the rapist was arrested. But Hoor was afraid to testify until she realized he’s more of a danger to her and other women outside than inside prison. Hoor says it was Stella Chiarelli, her guardian and refugee volunteer, and the outpouring of support she received after the article, that convinced her to go to court. The perpetrator was convicted of rape for 10 years. It was sweet and rare justice in Turkey. I’m following the story as Hoor struggles and thrives at the same time.

    -Suliman Wardak, an Afghan student in New York, was married to an American journalist who was jailed in Turkey but had the privilege of an American passport. He only had a green card and an Afghan passport when he came to aid his wife in Turkey. But she was released and he was jailed on charges of terrorism, then freed but trapped in Turkey under judicial control. He couldn’t leave Turkey until his trial. I followed his story for months, verifying his case and his innocence. I wrote about it for Foreign Affairs. A few weeks later, he went to sign his name like a parolee does with the authorities, and they told him he was no longer in the database. He went back to New York a week later. Wardak, who spent a year here, says it was my story that freed him, and I’m not sure of that but I’m happy an innocent man is home. The couple is divorced.

    -Mujtaba Haidar, an Afghan businessman, lost his wife and two of his children in the sea while they were trying to cross to Greece. Only his older son survived and the two of them are trying to give a DNA sample to see if they can match it with those of the dead, buried with no name. But there’s no central DNA bank in Turkey and without a body, the government wouldn’t accept the samples. It would be too hard to find a match, authorities said. But that may change. After hearing about Haidar’s story from me and reading my story in PRI, a Turkish political aide in Ankara made it her mission to help Haidar. Let’s see what happens.

    -I wrote a story about Syrian child brides in Turkey for the Financial Times and after its publication, another 16-year-old girl from the same Ankara neighborhood told me she had finally worked up the guts to leave her abusive marriage. When she saw her 15-year-old neighbor featured in the paper and realized she had outside support, the girl realized she had the right to a life without beatings and verbal abuse. Another story on rising divorce in Afghanistan for Rights Universal (done from Istanbul) inspired dozens of emails from girls saying they were trapped in marriages they couldn’t leave. Could I please write more about women who found a way out of the tortuous Islamic legal system that keeps them trapped in wedlock?

    It’s not that I only focus on refugees, but these stories often come to me. I’ve written about the 2016 attempted coup, the purge, the referendum and women’s rights in Turkey, but I’m still learning about Turkey and the Turkish language. I have also done several talks from London to Istanbul on human rights issues.

    At the moment, I’m waiting (for three months) for completed stories to be published or aired, working on a couple of multimedia projects, even dabbling in video, attempting a longform radio piece and still writing.  If I don’t write, I feel sick.

    My motto: Pitch, don’t bitch. And when you need to vent, call a freelancer friend.

     

     

     

     

  • Turkish kindness kills the imaginary thief

    ISTANBUL – The first heavy snow glistens in the darkness of the city I’ve fallen in love with in the last year. We are six, three children and three adults, who pile in the station wagon to head home.

    Umesh, our Indian friend, neighbor and fellow journalist, clears the snow from the windows and turns on the engine. The car lurches forward. His wife Tripti videotapes the flakes whitening the windshield. The kids all fall asleep. My two daughters and their son lean on each other.

    Are they dreaming about the terrorist who killed 39 people in a nightclub on the sea last Saturday? Or making a snowman tomorrow?

    snow-on-balcony

     

    Few of us hide the truth from the kids anymore. There are just too many killings to keep secret. My girls are used to the terror, news of Afghanistan penetrates our home daily, and rarely does it exclude blood.

    I think about the mood of the dinner party we just left.

    Among our friends in Turkey are the parents whose children attend the same international school as our daughters. They’re smart, worldly, tolerant, speak at least two languages and hail from around the world: Germany, Turkey, Romania, Mexico, Croatia, Netherlands and us, Afghan-Americans. We have a bubble for sure, but it’s one we’ve chosen and created. We turn to each other for fun and support in a time when uncertainty and terror overwhelms Istanbul.

    After a potluck dinner of kofte, pasta and beets topped with cheese and nuts, we talk about our plans to stay or leave because we’re the privileged who have the option — most say they want to stay. The city has begun to define a part of us. We laugh at our jokes as our children play and hug each other. We know how precious this gathering and sense of safety is. We take nothing for granted tonight. We tell each other no matter what happens, we have one another to lean on. The party ends with kisses on the cheeks and promises of “gorusuruz” (see you again.)

    I’m lost in thought when Umesh stops in front of our building. I hold my 5-year-old’s hand and caress my 8-year-old’s face to wake up. They groggily walk up the stairs. The guard on duty greets us with a salute. When my husband is away half of the year on business, the three guards who monitor our building around the clock make sure my girls and I have milk and bread in the morning, our garbage is taken out and no burglars enter our home. They’re here to care and protect. But tonight they may have failed.

    Our second floor flat can be locked four times, but I feel so safe in the building that I just shut the door behind me. That locks it once automatically.

    The girls complain of deep sleep and want their bed.

    “Just let me open the door,” I say as they both sink on the floor with exhaustion. It’s 11, two hours past their bedtime.

    The key enters but it doesn’t move. I try again repeatedly but it won’t turn. The silver metal usually opens with a jiggle. I notice a magnet ad on the door. It’s from a locksmith. Hmm. This is strange. My friend Hana staying with us is on the European side watching a movie. My husband Naeem is in California. They’re the only other two with a set of keys. I call Hana to ask if she has come home and locked the door from the inside. If the key is left inside, the outside door cannot be opened. Hana says she’s out. My husband is sick with the flu at work.

    Maybe the locksmith needed business and decided to destroy our lock so I could call them to fix it, I tell him.

    “I don’t think they would do that,” he says. “Just call the guard to help.”

    I call the guard and my Turkish landlord Sayda. Umer, the guard, tries the key and shakes his head. The girls are dozing on the cold floor.

    Sayda tells me to take the children downstairs to her father’s home. “They can rest there while we call a locksmith. I think you’re right. The locksmith could’ve just stuffed gum inside the lock.”

    Her father is our neighbor and she lives several miles away.

    Umer has already called the possible culprit to urgently come and break the lock. Sayda tells him to cancel that and calls our usual plumber Mostafa. He has a friend who’s a locksmith. That’s a locksmith we can trust, Sayda says.

    A frail, elderly man of maybe 80 makes his way up the stairs. It’s Sayda’s father telling me to bring my kids downstairs to rest at his place. I carry my youngest and jolt awake my oldest to follow. They curl up on his couch. I take off my brown boots and theirs too. Amca (uncle) places a pair of blue slippers in front of my feet. He tells me not to worry and offers me tea. I sit on his red wicker chair as the TV plays an American war movie, trying to explain my theory about the crooked locksmith in my limited Turkish. He nods his head.

    I’m too tired to be angry. We’re still recovering from an 11-hour time difference from our holiday trip to San Francisco a week ago.

    The trusted plumber and locksmith appear in 10 minutes. They changed from their pajamas and trudged through the snow to help just because Sayda asked them to aid a yabanci (foreign) mother and her kids. Amca and I leave the girls asleep and climb the stairs to our flat. The locksmith has already drilled through the lock and found a key on the inside.

    “Who’s inside the house?” Mostafa asks me. keys-on-the-inside

    Bilmiyorum (I don’t know),” I whisper.

    Then all four of us pause in a moment of realization. A thief?

    I had turned the hall light on but the rest of our spacious three-bedroom flat is dark. Mostafa takes the hammer the locksmith used to break the lock, the locksmith follows him and so does Sayda’s dad. They enter the house head first, back bent one after another like the three Stooges trying to be brave but utterly afraid. Mostafa’s arms held up in a fist, eyebrows raised. He is ready to be a hero.

    “Amca, you stay with her,” Mostafa tells him, but uncle refuses. They turn on all the lights, search all the rooms, balconies, behind the curtains, under the beds, inside the closets. They pass the hammer to each other as they tiptoe from one room to another whispering. I stand outside peering inside the door and allow the men to find the robber, if he’s still there. The wind howls. All three of the men freeze and stare at our living room balcony.

    “That door looks open,” the locksmith says.

    He walks cautiously to the door, turns the handle but it’s locked.

    They find the house orderly and no one inside. Mostafa looks disappointed but uncle is smiling.

    “Your home is safe,” he says to me. “We can bring your daughters to their bed now.”

    “But whose key is this?” Mostafa wants to solve the mystery but I have no answers.

    I just tell them, korkuyorum, I’m scared. Our building has cameras and guards in one of the safest parts of the city. Who could come in and why?

    Sayda rings Mostafa’s cell phone and wants an update. When he shares his findings, she wants to know if the key was just inside the keyhole or locked from the inside. That might solve the mystery.

    Suddenly, my memory kicks in that yesterday Nuran, my friend and cleaner, had come to clean and she had a habit of locking the door from the inside. And perhaps Hana and I hadn’t noticed the indoor key before we rushed out today. That would be the boring explanation for this misadventure.

    Sayda concludes that the mystery was solved, and the crooked locksmith with a magnet ad on our door was wrongly accused. But he or she and Nuran don’t have to know that their actions had propelled a small manhunt on the Asian side of the Bosphorus.

    The trusted locksmith installs a temporary lock and key and promises to return tomorrow night for a permanent one. He refuses to take money until he finishes the job. I thank all of them, completely embarrassed. Mostafa puts the hammer back in the toolbox still suspicious.

    Our curious neighbor across the hall opens his door and wants to know what the noise is about, so we all begin to talk at the same time, explaining with sheer excitement because we have a story to tell with a happy ending. Thank God, there wasn’t a robber, we all conclude.

    Amca and I go downstairs as the other men leave, uncle collects the girls’ shoes, my backpack, my phone with his feeble hands and accompanies me up the stairs as I convince my daughters to wake up and climb the two flights to their bed.

    I tuck them in and Amca breathes a sigh of relief. “Don’t forget the lock from the inside,” he says in a fatherly tone, and hobbles out the door.

    I check for the few valuables I keep in the house: my wedding ring, passports, some cash. It’s all there.

    My oldest lifts her head from her pillow. “Madar (mom)!”

    Jan, chia? What is it?” I ask.

    “What happened? Was it another coup, another attack, did people get killed?” She asks with concern.

    “No, nothing like that. Just the kindness of Istanbul came to our house tonight. Go back to sleep.”

  • A mystical space

    On the northern edge of the Silicon Valley in Fremont, tucked behind a narrow suburban road is a mystical space open to anyone who wants to connect with God, even Salaffis. Taleef Collective launched in 2005 has become a thriving hub for young Bay Area Muslims of different sects, genders and identities. Unlike many mosques, women can wear a headscarf or bare their hair. Both genders sit in the same room albeit on different sides. Children, music, questions and emotions are all welcome. The Islam preached here is rooted in Sufi philosophy. They also host social events, movie screenings, and commemoration of projects-144-contents-603Muslim holidays.

    “We provide the ideal experience for anyone curious to learn about Islam and offer a safe and friendly environment for newcomers and old friends,” the Taleef website states. “Our mantra ‘Come as you are, to Islam as it is’ says it all. We don’t discriminate or judge and believe that dialogue, education and fellowship are integral to individual and collective growth.”

    On a balmy fall night last year, about a hundred people filled the muted green painted room. Men in skullcaps stood in front of a microphone singing religious hymns. A woman with fine wrinkles and slender fingers served each worshiper on the floor mint black tea and heart-shaped cookies from a silver tray. Another woman circled around the worshipers a tray of fuming rue, an antiseptic, to cast away evil spirits, filling the room with the scent of burnt wood.

    One of the performers at the mic drummed on a tambourine. A little boy with chestnut curls lifted up his mom’s burgundy skirt and hid under it. A small, slim girl saw him and laughed. He flashed her a mischievous grin and gestured her to shush. A woman with tight jeans and a fitted sweatshirt tossed her brunette locks around her shoulder, her eyes closed swaying in rhythm to the voices praising Allah.

    On another night, the spiritual leader of Taleef, Usama Canon, sat in a chair facing a roomful of Muslims sitting on the floor. Cannon in a tweed jacket with hair parted in the middle told worshipers that they’re not spiritually superior to anyone else. His sermon encouraged a practical path to life. “Some people are so blinded by spirituality that they are dismissive of reality,” he said.

    A woman in a headscarf sat in front of Canon with an open laptop. She asked if women could listen to their Quranic apps on their cell phones while they were on their period. Women are forbidden to pray during their period according to most Islamic interpretations.

    Canon said it’s up to her to decide. “We have enough of men in our community telling women what to do.”

    Chuckles of agreement rippled among the crowd.

    Taleef has launched a Chicago space and may expand in response to its popularity.

    It’s part of a movement that encourages Islamic spiritualism or a more contested word – Sufism – in America. A jihadist turned mystic from Houston took me inside this movement. The story was in Foreign Affairs. https://www.foreignaffairs.com/articles/united-states/2016-10-12/american-sufi

     

  • When a Pakistani meets an Afghan in Istanbul

    FullSizeRenderI was giving a talk about the drug trade in Afghanistan based on my book Opium Nation with the Istanbul Book Club when Yamna, a member of the club and a graduate engineering student from Pakistan, burst into tears.

    “I’m so sorry for what my country has done to Afghanistan,” she said, wiping her tears from under her glasses. “Now Pakistan’s suffering too. My best friend lost her brother in the Peshawar school attack. I went to high school there.”

    The infamous 2014 attack on an Army school killed more than 140 people and signaled a wake-up call for Pakistanis to stand up to the Taliban.

    I held Yamna’s hand and held back my own tears. This was a moment of validation. I would never blame Yamna or expect her to apologize for what the Pakistani government is doing to Afghanistan. But her recognition of the injustice and bloodshed immediately created a bond of understanding, one that I don’t feel on social media with Pakistanis.

    My face-to-face interactions with Pakistanis in Pakistan and abroad can be summed up in one word: friendship. My interaction and opinion of the Pakistani government, especially their intelligence service the ISI, is more complicated. In 2001 while reporting for Agence France Presse as a rookie correspondent in Islamabad, my journalist visa was revoked and I was deported for reasons I do not know until today. I had lived in Islamabad for a year before the incident and shared few opinions about Pakistan’s policy toward Afghanistan. I simply wrote people’s stories.

    But after a decade of covering Af-Pak issues, I began to give talks and write commentaries. I regularly criticize the ISI’s sponsorship of terrorism and extremism in my homeland and the blowback it has created inside Pakistan. Three million Afghan refugees live in Pakistan, including most of the Taliban leaders who have been trained and armed to bomb Afghans. Many of these refugees would repatriate if security returned to Afghanistan, lifting the burden on Pakistan. But Pakistan’s military prioritizes regional power over internal progress.

    On Afghanistan’s part, the century old debated Durand Line, the British imposed border between the two countries, should become official. Pakistan says recognition of the border stops threats of its Pashtun population teaming up with Afghanistan’s Pashtun tribes to spark another separatist movement. It’s a moot point that most officials don’t even talk about but one that could appease Pakistan a little. Yet there’s not much else Afghanistan can do to stop Pakistan’s interference. Breaking ties with India isn’t an option.

    Pakistan’s taking action against some of the extremists inside its own soil. The hanging of Islamist Mumtaz Qadri for killing the Punjab governor Salman Taseer Monday showed some resistance against the fanaticism the military allowed for decades. But assassinating extremists on one side of the border and exporting others will only result in more refugees and more hostility between our countries.

    When I post a critique of Pakistan’s menacing role in Afghanistan, there’s a silence from most Pakistanis, especially Pakistani-Americans. Then again if I or someone else posts any critique of American screw-ups in Afghanistan, many of the same Pakistanis are quick to share the article, sympathize with Afghans and condemn the U.S. What bothers me is the denial of their own government’s consistent role in sponsoring terrorism inside Afghanistan. From training the Taliban to coordinating attacks against Indians in Afghanistan, there’s ample evidence to show Pakistan’s intelligence service is responsible for instigating the ongoing war in Afghanistan.

    The silence in some cases is understandable. Journalists and academics in Pakistan risk death when they openly criticize the Pakistani intelligence or military.

    In other cases, the silence comes from ignorance. I remember interviewing young women at Qaid-e Azam University in Islamabad shortly after September 11, 2001. When I asked them about the Taliban, one political science student said they were “simple minds just doing what they had to do to bring order.”

    “What if they came to Islamabad, took you out of school and forced you to stay home because you’re a woman?” I asked.

    “They don’t do that. That’s just Western propaganda,” the same woman said. When I explained that I had witnessed their banishment of women from society, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “Maybe Afghans want that.”

    That was nearly 15 years ago and Pakistanis now should know better. However, there’s still either a denial or deflection to blame the West for all of Af-Pak’s problems. Historically, Afghanistan has been a pawn of geopolitics in the region due to foreign meddling and internal corruption, meddling not only from the West and the former Soviet Union but from its neighbors Pakistan and Iran.

    The largest population of Afghans in the U.S. live in the San Francisco Bay Area. Many have lost friends and family in Taliban initiated suicide attacks in their home country. A group of these diaspora Afghans held a protest against the Pakistani government’s actions in Hayward, California several months ago. Pakistani-Americans should’ve stood with the Afghans but instead, there was a loud chorus of objections on social media.

    “Brothers, why are you doing this? We should stand against the drone attacks and bombings of the U.S. together. Why are you dividing up Muslims?” one Pakistani-American wrote on Facebook.

    Perhaps because it’s Muslims in power killing Muslims with little power and the sooner we acknowledge that, the faster we can fight it together.

    My now friend Yamna is not the only one who apologizes and recognizes Pakistan’s role. This month on twitter, Afghan-British activist Peymana Assad who often makes the same critiques I do about Pakistan, received this tweet and made a new Pakistani friend:

     

  • Bathhouses and chai from Herat to Istanbul

    Çemberlitaş-HamamıFour days after a suicide bomber killed 10 tourists and injured 15 at the most popular tourist destination of Istanbul, I took a good friend visiting from Kabul and my two girls to Sultanahmet Square for a Turkish bath and then dinner with chai. Tourism is suffering because foreigners are afraid to visit Turkey. Tours have been canceled and vendors complain of low profits and few customers.

    But we live here and my friend Palwasha, who endures weekly bombings in Kabul, is fearless. We decided to support business in the area but more importantly, to delight in a Turkish bath and Thai massage. It was my girls’ first time. I grew up with bathhouses in Herat, Afghanistan for the first nine years of my life.

    It was a weekly ritual with my mother. Herat’s bathhouses aren’t as well-kempt but they boast a similar history with blue tiles and the best “keesamaals,” the female attendants who scrub and rub every customer anxious to rid the dust and dirt from their body. In Istanbul, bathhouses are a luxury that can cost a $100 but in my birthplace, it was the only place with running water for many households, including ours. In both places, the trip to the bathhouse is an all-day event.

    Afghan women in my mother’s generation filled square scarves embroidered in silk thread made for the bathhouse with clean clothes, towels and toiletries. They knotted the corners of the scarf and gave the “bokhcha” resembling a stuffed pillow to their daughters to hold. We took a horse wagon from our compound to the bathhouse. Women bared down and gossiped, it was a weekly venting session about husbands, daughters-in-laws and dinner parties. Their children reveled in the endless supply of water and warmth. My mother was the happiest in the bathhouse. The partial nudity (many kept on their undergarments) evokes an emotional openness the women didn’t feel outside the bathhouse.

    After my mother washed and untangled my hair with an heirloom comb belonging to my grandmother, she dressed me in the sundry of outfits she had tailored. Then she removed a fresh piece of flat Afghan bread from a plastic bag hidden in the scarf and handed it to me. I devoured the bread and sat near the receptionist of the bathhouse waiting for my mother to finish her routine. I can still smell the sweet aroma and taste the lightness of the bread.

    Our retreats to the bathhouse were an escape from the bullets ricocheting across the sky during the Soviet invasion. For that day, I could replace the harsh cacophony of war with splashes of water.

    After the terrorist attack in Istanbul, it was the first place I thought of taking my children. The Cemberlitas bathhouse is a 16th century landmark of the Ottoman Empire. You breathe history inside the steamy halls. Turks love children and as soon as the female attendants saw them, they cooed and hugged them. They handed us our own hemp glove and towels. Locker rooms, hair dryers, plastic sandals, hair gel, skin moisturizer and robes were neatly placed in the changing area. I smiled thinking back to the limitations of my childhood.

    Inside the bathhouse, my girls were hesitant and at first, uncomfortable with all that skin. But it didn’t take long for them to enjoy the water and warmth.

    “This is like swimming,” my 4-year-old shrieked as she tossed the copper bowl of water over her head. My 8-year-old took more time but was fascinated by the female attendants who scrubbed the dead skin from women’s bodies and used a large loofah with bubbles to clean it off. Palwasha and I were in heaven. After the scrub down, we went to a different room for a massage and took turns entertaining the kids. A Thai massage means the masseuse can walk all over you and well, beat you up. I opted for a softer massage after my muscles resisted.

    We spent three hours and nearly $200. My mother paid $1 for both of us in Herat. But that was the early 1980s in a war zone. Istanbul will remain a bustling, magical city with birds flying overhead, not bullets.

    Then it was time for dinner and chai.

     

  • How a child learns to accept differences

    My 4-year-old sat on my lap as I massaged my broken leg in a cast on the Istanbul Metro train. In front of us sat a woman wearing a black niqab with only slits of her eyes showing. My daughter could not see her expressions. She wasn’t used to the garb.

    She stared at her with childlike innocence but there was fear in my daughter’s brown eyes.

    “Is she wearing that so she could go to steal, Mom? Is she a thief?” My baby asked in Farsi.

    “No, janem. People dress differently here. We have to accept that people are different,” I replied rather amused.

    “But why does she wear that?” she asked, sincerely bewildered.

    I wish I knew as well. I’m not a fan of the headscarf, niqab, burqa or any other so-called Islamic dress. Covering a woman’s face disturbs me because it advocates for the disappearance of women. I don’t understand women who think respect is earned only when you cover up. We should be respected regardless of what we wear. Others wear it to identify themselves as Muslim, make a political statement or to feel more connected to God. Whatever their reason, it’s their prerogative.

    Clothes should not define who we are and how we’re treated. I have told my two daughters my stance on the politics of dress since they were born. Yet I never encouraged them to ridicule or ostracize those who do cover.

    I accept that women have their own reasons for what they wear. As long as they’re not enforcing it on me or my kids, I have no right to act intolerant. Who knew if this woman on the train chose to wear niqab or if she was afraid of a husband, an extremist militia or a culture that bound her to it. I wish I could’ve asked but we didn’t know each other’s language. If we could’ve communicated, I may have debated with her. It’s my right to speak out as it is her right to wear what she wants. Many women like her have no qualms preaching to women like me who do not wear hijab about our immodesty.

    But that’s not what happened. We uttered a few words in Arabic, the common language of Islam, and I understood that she’s a foreigner in Turkey like me, a Chechen Muslim. She seemed warm and happy to meet us. She wasn’t judging me. That kindness encourages tolerance of differences.

    In the U.S., surveys show that Americans become more compassionate toward Muslims when they meet one and come to know their humanity.

    The woman noticed my daughter’s fear and reached out to hold my pre-schooler’s hand. My daughter flinched but the broad-shouldered woman let out a warm chuckle. “Tamam (It’s okay),” she said.

    My little one looked at me for direction and I smiled and told her to take her hand. So she did, and we all laughed. The Chechen tousled my baby’s curls and giggled with her.

    We all exited at the same stop and shook hands as we bid farewell.

    I don’t think my little girl will be asking if women who veil in black are thieves anymore. But she might ask why she has to do so, and that’s exactly what I want her to do. Accepting differences doesn’t mean agreeing with them.